Extract edited & re-written by me for “From Darkness to Light: Kosta’s Story” from forthcoming book “Happiness is a Choice”
“SOMETHING WASN’T RIGHT. My head was swirling with artificial euphoria that would normally plaster me with the widest of smiles. From my raised platform I commanded all, spinning vinyl, pumping out tunes as strobe lights flashed across grinning faces. Surrounded by a sea of effervescent college kids, awash with all manner of substances, I became the captain, dictating their every move.
Each time I dropped another titanic anthem, cheering erupted, bodies writhed and snaked in tight towards my throne at the epicenter. Usually, I would have been riding the crest of a wave. High on little red pills and the adulation of the masses. But as sound-waves bounced off walls, sending bass-line shivers down my spine, I felt nothing inside.
Seemingly controlling my own destiny, several years free from the watchful eyes of parents; I was bang in the center of an exciting, rebellious, lifestyle that was the envy of many a young man. But as music roared and dancing continued through the early morning darkness, I left the stage with a sense of dissatisfaction. Somehow, I felt empty from this hedonistic bubble. But the disillusion ran deeper than that:
“Is there more to life than partying?”
“Is this stressful, city lifestyle harming me?”
“Am I truly in control or is my life stuck on rails?”
“What’s my role in the world?”
“Where do I fit in?”
“Why am I really here?”
I began to question my purpose in life. In fact, I questioned my very existence.”