I’ve been celibate for almost 2 years. Now I know what you’re thinking;
“You aren’t actually celibate Tim, you just haven’t pulled in ages!”
Well, I’ll admit, it wasn’t a choice at first! I had been single for much longer than 2 years but for a long time, my focus had been on getting a girlfriend way too much.
It got to the point, around the time of my awakening, that I started to think I should actually stop even trying to meet someone. After all, it had only caused me stress and frustration for most of my life. I realised that if I could put all the energy I spent trying to meet women into something more productive, I would improve my life much quicker.
Part of the problem was that I had spent most of my life trying to get women to like me. Trying to get a girlfriend. And failing miserably! I’ve only had one serious relationship and even that didn’t last long. Anxiety was a key factor in that but I can’t put the blame entirely there.
There came a point where I did actually say to myself;
“Tim, you are going to remain single for the forseeable future. You are not going to date. You are not spending any more time on dating sites. You do not need or indeed, want, a girlfriend in your life right now.”
Once I’d made that decision, it was strangely freeing. No more worry about being lonely or unwanted. Because this was MY choice. No more stressing over conversations with women online, if my sarcasm had come across badly or whether my latest profile shot was “sexy” enough.
So mentally, it was a really refreshing change….
….but practically – that’s where it really shook my world up! The best way I can sum it up is this; I have seen the way my productivity levels have shot me WAY ahead of other people. For example, there are bloggers who had more content or a similar amount, when I first became celibate and not a single one of them has managed anywhere near the amount of content I’ve put out over the past year. I hate to brag and I’m not, this just for purposes of explanation, but I mean, it’s not even close!
I honestly don’t know how it would have even been possible for me to maintain a blog (to the standard I would want) if I had a girlfriend. It would be almost impossible! Props to those of you who manage it! It’s not just having that extra person in your life, taking up all your time though. As a single man, it’s the time spent trying to meet women that also burns away the hours.
In his book Think and Grow Rich, Napoleon Hill talks about sexual transmutation. At first, this sounds like some wacky, woo-woo concept that probably was of its time (the book was written 80 years ago) but in modern terms, sexual transmutation (no, nothing to do with transgender stuff!) simply means: “Putting your energy into work instead of sex!”
….the famous inventor, was a proponent of this, as apparently he spent his whole life celibate! Very few have ever achieved what he has (he’s even got his own electronic cars now – heheh!) and when Albert Einstein calls you a genius – well, you know you’ve got something.
Now I’m not saying I’m prepared to go the remainder of my life without sex (HELL no!) I am saying there’s something to this transmutation lark. My productivity has gone up by enormous amounts. Yes it’s true, I have zero social life, PERIOD! So that always helps…….. But I had zero social life before I announced myself as celibate and the productivity levels were not as good.
It’s not just this blog which has benefited. I have had at least 3 projects on the go right through 2017; trading and blogging plus a third project which has changed as time has gone along (writing, marketing and investing).
So essentially, I’ve had THREE jobs on the go since I became celibate AND I’ve still managed to fit in learning Spanish, regular gym visits, yoga, increased time reading and DAILY SELF-DEVELOPMENT including meditation.
Now yes, I have decreased my time spent messing around getting distracted surfing and yes, I’ve seriously cut down on the amount of time spent watching TV (and yes folks, watching Netflix and boxsets and YouTube is till watching TV, no matter how much you want to think otherwise!!). But even so, I would say becoming celibate has been the single greatest productivity boosting decision I’ve ever made.
Now, I’m not saying I enjoy being alone.
I’m OK with it. I’m not one of those people who break down if they don’t have a partner or can’t take their own company for more than 5 minutes. But I’ve been single a looooooong time. So it’s not easy for me to just stop looking. But then, it kind of is! Because I don’t have a social life, it means I’m not meeting many women week to week. I’m not “out there”, so to speak. So it was an easy transition in that respect.
And if I met someone special, purely by chance, I wouldn;t turn them away! But in all honesty, I would tell them that now is a bad time for me to get into a relationship. I’m in a place where I don’t want to be distracted. I have too much going on, too much to do right now, to commit. So yes, being alone sucks. But I know the law of attraction will bring me the woman of my dreams when the time is right.
I used to worry about being too old to find that person, that I’d be left on the shelf. That only made me seem more desperate, I’m sure!
Now, I understand that I don’t need to do ANYTHING, other than relax and get in the right vibration. When I’m ready, she will appear. I don’t doubt that for one second. And I know she’ll be something very special, because I won’t accept anything less.
Another very important thing, is that I don’t want the same kind of woman I did before I was celibate. I now need to be with someone who is on the same spiritual pathway as I am. Someone who believes in the law of attraction, who has also awakened to the reality of this world and who is also striving to make it a better place and to help people transform and become their greatest version.
In my experience, women (people in general actually) like that do not appear in your life very often!
Certainly not to people like me, in my current life situation! So I knew that it was likely to be fruitless even bothering to look. It made sense to just stop entirely and devote all my spare time and energy to creating a life that would eventually make it relatively EASY for that kind of woman to just walk casually into.
And I really do think that more people would benefit from taking the same vow, rather than waste energy searching for something that will almost certainly come to them much more easily, if they just stopped trying so hard!
I know people who are struggling to get a side-hustle going because in between their 9-5 job and their partner and their social life, they don’t have time to really zoom ahead. Many are not willing to make that sacrifice which I’ve made but all I can say is this;
the work I’ve put in over the past 2 years would have taken me probably 4 or 5 if I hadn’t been celibate or spent more time with friends.
And in 2018, you are going to see the fruits of that labour start to materialise. So if you ARE alone and lonely out there, use it to your advantage. Use it to get ahead of the game and the competition and make it a CHOICE to be alone. Then, you’ll be too busy to feel lonely anyway (OK not strictly true but it does help!).
Hey Tim, I know what you mean, I have wasted so many years in relationships that didn’t serve me and would have been better using that time to work on myself and on my business goals and life dreams. Hey ho, no point dwelling!
Hi Estelle, I see that all the time – people getting stuck in relationships that don’t serve them or in my case, chasing a relationship. I think for most people, we become so obsessed with finding someone to make us feel whole, we don’t even realise that it can never work – we can only feel whole by being comfortable with ourselves first.
Thank you for the comment and yes, forget the past, the present moment is all that matters 🙂
Hey Tim! What you wrote is truly the story of my life, I’ve found myself becoming a workaholic individual and I like it. Seeing myself growing with no stress from relationships is truly satisfying.
Hi Goodluck! So glad to hear you’ve made the same step. Just be careful though – I don’t advocate being a workaholic. That is a mode I got stuck in for a long time and it only adds a different sort of stress to replace relationship stress. Make sure you put aside enough time to enjoy yourself. Unless you really enjoy your work of course – then it really isn’t work at all though, right?