My “Spiritual Awakening” Part 1


What comes to mind when you hear the term “spiritual awakening”? Up till a year ago, I would’ve been one of those people who sneered at it. Only new-age weirdos, filthy hippies, American religious nuts and con-artist “psychics” would be into all that crap, right? But after 12 months that have completely turned almost everything I understood about life upside-down, I can now say that I too, have experienced an awakening! And I found out that millions of people worldwide are going through the same thing in rapidly increasing numbers. But it wasn’t anything like I’d thought it would be.

My own awakening involved me opening my eyes and “waking up” to a wider source of knowledge and information. Things I’d either never bothered to research, had not been easily available or I’d just been ignorant about. So although there are elements of spirituality about my awakening (in terms of my beliefs about life, death and “god”), that’s only a small part of the awakening. But what I have learned has honestly blown my mind! It’s not an exaggeration to say that it’s changed my life forever.

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Why Loneliness is my Biggest Motivation

Following my assault  a few years ago, I lost everything I had built up after recovering from social anxiety. Now, after fighting back from the abyss a second time, I am ready to rebuild again. But first of all, I had to ask myself an important question. One which most people surprisingly don’t know the answer to;

“What do I want from life?”

Think about it. I am willing to bet that most of you will struggle to answer that. It’s such a huge question though and if you can answer it, you’ll be well on your way to actually creating that life. If you can’t answer it, then how can you possibly create a life you truly desire? This is my answer:

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How I Turned my Life Around Massively After Social Anxiety

10 years ago, I got the help I needed to eradicate social anxiety from my life. Very quickly, I went on to create a life that I only dreamed about when I was hiding from the world. If you were to ask me how I did it back then, I would probably have said “Fuck knows! Confidence?” The truth of the matter is, I wasn’t thinking about the process. I was just getting on with life. I had a new found zest, sparked by self-confidence which I’d never experienced in my entire life. Instead of sitting around worrying about doing what I wanted, I just did what I wanted. It wasn’t until last year, following my recovery from a second bout of anxiety (which you can read about here in my free ebook), that I began to look into the reasons why I was able to create a successful life.

I had a job I loved, was building a nice circle of friends, had moved to a much better city where I felt at home and had a beautiful girlfriend. Things fell into place so quickly, it was frightening! Mostly because I didn’t really plan anything.

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Would You Date a Man with Anxiety?

Dating with social anxiety – what a massive head-fuck! Nothing is guaranteed to ramp up those cortisol levels more than putting yourself in a position where you will be automatically judged based on every single criteria that it’s possible to be examined by. Looking back, I don’t know how I ever managed to pull when I had anxiety! Beer and MDMA may have something to do with it. It certainly wasn’t my cool, calm demeanour and alpha male, take-no-shit ruggedness!

One of the biggest stigmas around mental illness is that it makes a person weak or that only weak people suffer from it. This is particularly the case for men. I know this because I’ve experienced it from men and women in different ways. Men of course, sometimes view you as “soft”. I believe the current terminology would be “delicate snowflake” or “cuck”. But I do think that this view does exist even amongst normal, decent members of society, not right-wing knuckle-heads with nothing better to do than hang around social media picking fights.

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The 4 Stages of Anxiety Recovery

Having come back to social media after a hiatus, I’m stunned, shocked and saddened by what I’m hearing. Those who are suffering with anxiety seem to think that it’s something that they have FOR LIFE. Something that can never be eradicated. Worse still, they have accepted this belief so deeply, that they are doing nothing to get rid of it. Cope with it, yes. Kick it out, stamp on it and light it on fire? NO.

When I planned this blog, my intention was not to write about anxiety in detail. I wanted the blog to be about my life after anxiety; how I rebuild it. Plus the information I’ve learned over the past year through my awakening, that anyone can apply to create the life of their dreams. That’s why I created my free ebook  “How I Crushed Anxiety TWICE!!”. It was a way for me to give you some valuable information on how potentially easy it is to overcome anxiety and crush it FOREVER.

But I’ve decided, as someone who has overcome anxiety, that I need to blog about this a lot more than I expected! Clearly, too many people with anxiety are not aware of what they can be doing to get rid of it for good.

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Guest Post: Depressingly Anxious

Today’s post is by Becky from the brilliant blog “Not Just Depressed – A Guide to Calmer Living”. I really wanted to hear from her about living with depression AND anxiety, as I’ve never suffered from depression and am curious about what it’s like to live with the two together. Most importantly though, I wanted to hear from someone who has beaten anxiety.

As I’ve mentioned in all of my early posts on this blog, so many people don’t seem to realise that anxiety CAN be eradicated from your life. Becky is another example and proves yet again that if you make the choice to get rid of it and then take ACTION, it doesn’t need to be a part of your life. Yeah that’s right, it’s not just me saying this! Over to you Becky……..

Depressingly Anxious


Let’s start in the middle because who knows when all this actually began! I lay on my bed due to crippling stomach ache, yet again. I became breathless as usual and waited for it to pass. As the doctors said there was nothing physically wrong and I had now learnt after 2 years to endure the pain until it went, but this time it didn’t. The breathlessness became unbearable, my heartbeat seemed irregular and I felt like I was dying. After explaining this bit to my doctor he said the stomach pains had been linked to underlying physiological trauma which is why they always said I was fine.

I tried to shout for help as I lay there shaking but couldn’t get my words out. My husband found me and I managed to tell him “I need an ambulance, I can’t breathe.” He recognised that obviously I could breathe or I wouldn’t be telling him this (and had suspected I wasn’t quite myself recently) so he did probably the best thing. He phoned my mum! He held the phone to my ear and my mum asked what was wrong. I only managed “I’m poorly.” She asked me the question that was when I realised what was actually happening. She asked whether I was feeling poorly or sad. I burst into tears. “I’m just not right!”

For the last few months I’d felt very drained, tired, hated my job, wanted to be alone more than usual, became easily confused, struggled with sleep, lost my appetite and often cried on my drive to and from work. The three of us decided that I would go to my doctors and speak about this. I was told that I had depression and that I had probably had a panic attack. Later on I was told I had depression and anxiety. (Anxiety attacks and panic attacks are a completely different kettle of fish.) But I have had quite a few panic attacks as well as living with anxiety for a short amount of time. So it’s all doom and gloom and then life was over for me, right? Hell no!

I was very physically and mentally ill for quite a few months and it was probably the most awful time of my life a part from bereavement. Bereavement is the worst physical pain I have ever been in and something that for me had to be lived through not ignored or gotten rid of. But depression and anxiety became very useful to me and I’m now even slightly grateful I had them. Within 4 months of my mental break down I had started my blog within 6 months I had started a new job, within 7 months I debuted my first burlesque act, within 10 months I was medication free and over the withdrawal stage, I had made new friends, been to new places, attended new clubs and enjoyed events. All this whilst coping (and at times not really coping) with the physical and mental grips of anxiety and depression.

It only took 2/3 months for me to be sick of the feeling, the pains, the illness, the side effects, the tablets, the ridiculous comments and decide that I was going to find a silver lining in all this and kick mental illnesses butt! I decided I was still going to try things that felt scary, I decided that when I felt anxious to recognise whether it was for a good reason or a chemical imbalance and react to it appropriately. I knew I didn’t want to stop being with my friends and meeting new people, I didn’t want my marriage to become a struggle, I was still me and not defined by this temporary persona. I was going to respect my body and mind and do things to better my daily life. I wasn’t going to hope it went away, ignore it or rely on others. I was going to find positives: start a blog to help myself and others, learn about the mind and mental illness, learn more about other people and their emotional reactions and think about what I wanted from life. It wasn’t easy but it was very doable.

Life now is a few anxious moments “did I lock the door?” “is the cooker still on?” “what if something bad happens?” but this is not anxiety as a mental illness; it’s a bit of doubt and worry over things that are probable. Panic attacks are rare. Depression has been replaced with actual emotions. I still have down moments but I know these are natural pessimistic thoughts or generally feeling fed up and not the onset of mental breakdown. I’m in control and although depression as an illness is not avoidable or something you have a choice over, you do have a choice what to do next. Depression tells you you’re powerless, worthless, not liked, you’re slowly dying, you’re wrong, as well as many physical symptoms and at the same time makes you feel numbness and you don’t seem to care that any of this is happening. Anxiety makes you feel a crippling fear and worry, sometimes paranoia and delusion. I’m still puzzled as to how you can have both as one made me not care and one made me terrified. I do know that living with anxiety is depressing and depression gives you a reason to be scared. You can follow me through Twitter and see what my life is like now… in my opinion it’s awesome!

So find your silver lining, work on you, take care of your mind, body and spirit, figure out your passion and where happiness lies, get rid of baggage, give yourself a break, de-clutter physically as well as your schedule, build on good relationships and cut ties with bad ones, accept your flaws, love who you are, celebrate small things… just look mental illness in the eyes and tell it that you are going to own it!

Much Love,


Don’t forget to leave a comment guys! Retweet this post if you enjoyed it, send me some love from a fellow wordpresser by hitting the “like” button and of course SUBSCRIBE below to be notified every time I post. And you’re gonna want to – I’ve got loads coming up including interviews, book reviews, videos and I’ll be talking about my “awakening” and my plans to create my dream life very soon…..

My Top 10 Tips to Cope with Anxiety

1. Stay indoors. Avoid the situation that makes you anxious. Works a treat.

2. Eat a fuck-tonne of ice-cream and binge-watch boxsets all day. Ben and Jerry’s Half Baked is my recommended choice. And “The Wire”.

3. Eeeerrrmmm……..think positive?? I haven’t got a fucking clue! Because guess what; I have NEVER USED “COPING” TECHNIQUES.

“Well how did you deal with your supposedly crippling anxiety then, Tim?”

Here’s the straight up truth; I didn’t. I never tried to deal with it or cope with it or suppress it (drugs aside, both legal and illegal!). My only interest was in CRUSHING it. DESTROYING it. ERADICATING it. Not for an hour or to get me through a social situation or a panic attack. FOREVER.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m all for coping mechanisms. There are many great blogs out there which give wonderful tips and advice for helping you in your most anxious moments. “Anxious Lass” is one such blog. Check her out, she’s magic! It’s just that I never used them. I probably SHOULD have! Would’ve helped me out no end. But I didn’t.

“But why Tim? You’re not making any sense!”

Listen up mi amigos! As you’ll know if you’ve already read my FREE PDF “How I Crushed Anxiety TWICE!!” (and if you haven’t, stop right there, click the orange link, sign-up to this blog, download it and share my story) the first time I had anxiety was before the interwebs was even a big thing. I wasn’t connected to dial-up, never mind broadband. So I had no idea I was suffering from anxiety. I just knew something was wrong with my life and something might well be wrong with ME!

But I was too anxious to go to the doctor, especially as I didn’t really know what was wrong. I certainly didn’t think I had a mental illness. As far as I was concerned, it was just stultifying shyness. How do you “cope” with something when you don’t even know what your issue is? Or when you don’t even think it is a real, serious issue?

But this I now realise, was partly an advantage. It meant I had no negative beliefs about overcoming it. Plus, I didn’t stick a label on myself. I didn’t see myself as mentally ill, with an anxiety disorder. So I hadn’t picked up any negative beliefs such as:

“It’s with me for life”

“It’s in my genes”.

“It’s who I am”

My only thought was

“This isn’t going away. It’s getting worse. It’s up to ME and me alone to try to get rid of it. Sort myself out.”

So I did.

Pretty simple, huh?

And guess what? This is a pattern that you will see with almost every single person who has recovered from anxiety. They nearly all had the realisation that they had to do more. They made a conscious choice to either get help, or haul themselves out of the mire. Most people don’t do this until they hit rock-bottom. I was no different. The second time, I had to reach a suicidal state before I made that decision. The reason I’m saying this to you in such strong terms, is that I don’t want you to have to hit rock-bottom before you take action. Trust me, you DO NOT want to go there.



Why do people wait till they hit their lowest ebb before doing what’s required to get rid of anxiety? It’s the same with anything; humans are fucking LAZY! It’s true! It’s why so many of us sit in “comfort zones” or “ruts”. Sure, we hate our job. Sure, our relationship sucks. Sure, we want to get fit and healthy. Sure, we want to travel the world. But how may of us actually make the effort to do those things? Very few. Because it’s hard work! We struggle to find the motivation. Our lives are too comfortable. Yes, we might be unhappy but at least I’ve got the latest Iphone, Netflix, a nice car and a big screen TV. Nothing gives you motivation and drive like hitting rock-bottom. When there’s nowhere else to go but up, it’s a much easier decision. And let me spell it out for you:


Recovering from anxiety starts with a PERSONAL CHOICE that you are going to make a greater effort to defeat it.


You see, here’s part of the problem with mental health issues today. I’m putting my neck on the chopping block by saying this, but here goes:

Some people with anxiety (not all, but certainly many) are waiting for someone or something else to magically make them better or for it to just disappear

There, I said it. And while I’m at it, here’s another one:

Some people with anxiety have basically BECOME the label that has been put upon them. It’s become who they are. It’s how they define themselves. It’s as much a part of them as their name or their personality.

Now this is just my personal opinion, so don’t take it too much to heart if you are disagreeing with me right now and want to give me a slap in the face with a lettuce leaf. But this opinion comes with plenty of evidence to back it up. Firstly, I’ve lived with social anxiety for over 20 years. I’ve lived without it for around 5 years. The SECOND time I had anxiety, I became one of those people who waited for someone or something to happen that would magically make me better. I also became one of those people who started to define themselves as “anxious”. Timothy “Socially Anxious” Phoenix. And you know what? I was proud of it. I felt good. I was being honest and open. Deal with it people! But you know what else?

It didn’t make me better.

Although it will feel good that you’ve accepted your condition and that in itself is an important thing to do, I’ve noticed that in too many people, it then leads to them giving up on eradicating the problem. And I have spoken with dozens of people who have anxiety. The themes are very consistent. They start to believe:

“Ah well, I’ve got this for life but it’s fine. I’ll just deal with it the best I can and live as good a life as possible”

Which sounds great on paper but it basically means you’ve given up on becoming totally healthy. Once you start to believe that you can’t get rid of anxiety, YOU ARE FUCKED. I can’t say it any more plainly than that.

Sure, you can still have a good life. I’m not in any way saying otherwise. But you can’t pretend that you’ll be 100% happy. You know you’ll still lack the confidence that will set you free to do whatever you want. As someone who has recovered from anxiety, I can tell you that life is IMMEASURABLY better without anxiety. I’ll tell you another thing; I’m never going back there. Because I put the work in over a sustained period of time and am STILL putting the work in even now, to make sure it doesn’t happen again. I’m talking personal development.

Self improvement.



Gaining knowledge.

Opening my mind.

Strengthening it.

Understanding it.

Being aware of it.

And taking ACTION to reinforce what I learn. I’ll talk more about this soon.

So I really only have 1 tip for coping with anxiety:

DON’T COPE WITH IT! Put all your energy into GETTING RID OF IT! Because it can be done.

In the meantime, please leave a comment, I want to hear from you! Do you agree with me? Disagree? Please share with a retweet if you like my post or give some like-button love for a fellow wordpresser 🙂 And sign up for blog updates! You’ll get my free ebook “How I Crushed Anxiety TWICE! The easy way and the hard way” when you subscribe.

Social Anxiety: My Inner Pain

Toilet stalls. Can there be a more depressing sight than the tiny cubicle of a rancid, men’s watering hole? Yet I’ve spent more time inside one of these festering tardis’s than is surely good for the health. Not through illness. Not because I need some time to compose myself. Not as shelter for a panic attack. Just because I’m so alone.

School break-times. Work lunch hours. And now, waiting for people to arrive and fill up a club, so I don’t stand out so obviously as the only wretch there alone. Pathetically drinking myself into oblivion just so I have the confidence to speak to a girl. Sometimes it’s a good place to be though. Where else can you tap out your powdery lines, crush them to a fineness suitable for the delicate nasal cavity?

But then I have to ask myself;

“What would I have done without the anonymity of these four walls for all these years?”

Totally exposed to the cold stares and oppressive thoughts of the others. Of them. The ones with lives. The ones who taunt me. Oh, they might not be doing it directly (though I just know some of them are) but every laugh and every smile and every hug and every high-five (god, how I LOATHE the high five) is just being waved in my face like a red rag to a bull. Every kiss a poisoned dart to sedate the beast, crush him and set him to the earth, becoming weaker and weaker with every brush of lip upon lip. Fuck you! Fuck me. I hate being so bitter, so jealous. Negativity consumes me.

But at least I’m here. At least I’m trying. I might need some brown-flecked little pills to get me here but at least I’m here. The alternative is another four walls that have seen enough tears to flood a low-lying Pacific island, enough anger to ignite a right-wing rally and enough crazy thoughts to send the most enlightened monk insane. Maybe I am already.

Maybe choosing to sit on a piss-stained porcelain throne at midnight, drinking tepid, over-priced, Italian lager that I don’t even mildly enjoy the taste of, listening to foul-mouthed chavs hocking up barrels of phlegm, whilst the rotten stench of faeces wafts across my palate, is the very definition of madness.

One more hour though. If I can just get through one more hour, it’ll kick in. The euphoria. Waves and waves, washing over me, through me, sending my mind into spasms of pure ecstasy. There’s no greater feeling. Well, none that I’ve experienced. Does it matter that it’s artificial when this entire world is but a figment? It’s the highlight of my week, month, year, life. Take that away from me, what do I have to look forward to? Work? A bigger prison cell than this cubicle, only jammed full of characters I spend all day hoping don’t despise me enough to direct a racial epithet at me. And for 8 hours a day. Well, 7 if you take away lunch in the toilet. At least here, I only have one hour to wait it out.

It’s an hour without distractions though. 60 minutes of creeping darkness. 3600 seconds to keep the wolves at bay. I guess I’d be texting now, if I had friends. No, you moron, you wouldn’t even be in this situation if you had friends! You’d probably be having dinner at a cozy restaurant, a game of poker over Kung Pao Chicken, or maybe even snuggled on the sofa with your arm around a sultry vixen, discussing music, literature, travel and dreams. Not here, hoping someone doesn’t hammer the door down and catch me with my trousers round my ankles and a rolled-up tenner up a nostril.


I could go on. I’ve over 20 years of this shit stored up, believe me, I could go on! But it’s not where I want to go and to be honest, those aren’t the kind of thoughts I have any more. I’m so positive now, it’ll make you sick! For me, I’m not in that stage where I need to vent or to talk through my anxiety. That’s because, guess what – IT’S NOT THERE!!! It’s gone. And I want to show people what life can be, what it feels like without it. Anxiety CAN be eradicated and much quicker than you might think. So please read my free PDF:

“How I Crushed Anxiety TWICE!! The easy way and the hard way”

and don’t make me write any more of this depressing stuff 🙂

P.S. I have to admit, it does feel good to get it out.

Please leave a comment below, I’ll be eternally grateful! I want to hear from you guys, connect and converse.

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Or retweet if you enjoyed this post. Don’t make me come and force you now!

Are You Doing Enough to CRUSH Anxiety?

If you have anxiety, ask yourself that question. Seriously, what are you doing on a DAILY BASIS to over-come anxiety? Not cope with it; DEFEAT it. Because from what I see and hear all across social media, is people complaining about their anxiety. Or retweeting these anonymous anxiety accounts which seem to be set up solely to message how shit it feels to live with anxiety 100 times a day. Or at the other end of the spectrum, people being incredibly positive and sharing inspirational quotes every 10 minutes. Or trying a million and one different techniques to cope with anxiety when it gets particularly bad. That’s all very commendable. And yes, it’s fine to vent every now and then and feel that people out there do empathise with what you’re going through. But is it actually doing anything to eradicate your anxiety FOREVER?

Instead of doing those things, what if you were to spend that time actually working towards crushing your anxiety so that you never even had to bother with breathing techniques? What if instead of being pessimistic about your anxiety, you took ACTION to get rid of it?


I’m constantly amazed by how many people with anxiety are seemingly just coping with it, as if that’s the best they can ever hope for. Let me tell you now; IT’S NOT!


If I sound a little harsh, well that’s because I want to see you get better. I’m saddened that so many people are suffering when the solutions to anxiety are out there. But it also infuriates me that people have seemingly been brainwashed into thinking that anxiety is a life-long illness; something in the genes that you just have to make-do with the best you can. If it was, then I wouldn’t be here now telling you that there’s more you can be doing. I’d probably be fucking dead, in all honesty!



I went through hell TWICE with anxiety. You can read my full story of how I also defeated it TWICE, by reading my free PDF. The first time was 10 years ago. It may as well have been 100 years ago because the difference between what was available in terms of help, support, treatment and awareness makes 2007 seem like the stone age! The truth is that mental illness is still a relatively new medical field. No-one really knows what it is or the intricacies of it. That’s why I always say:

“There’s no way you can be certain your illness is hereditary or that it is something you’ll have for life, so therefore, why take that viewpoint? Why take the most negative, pessimistic side?”

I had no friends close enough to help me out. I had no family support because I never told anyone about what I was going through. The first time with anxiety, I had no internet access. And even if it was available back then, there would have been almost nothing in the way of information. Mental illnesses were still taboo. There wasn’t the open discussion we have now. You may think things are still bad in terms of mental health awareness but let me tell you, compared to ten years ago, it’s fucking UTOPIA!

So taking all that into account, plus the fact I had no idea what was wrong with me, had not been diagnosed with anything as I’d not been to a doctor and was basically terrified of being in public so was alone for much of the time, I don’t think anyone can say they were in a much worse position than me. I literally had NO-ONE to turn to;

I couldn’t even have the pleasure of venting online by retweeting a meme!

Look, I’m not trying to turn this into a “who has the most fucked-up mental illness?” contest. I’m sure some of you would top me on that! And some of you WILL be as isolated as I was. But just know that I was suicidal the second time and you really can’t go any lower than that. The next step is the mortuary! So I don’t care what illness you have, if you reach the stage where you are seriously planning your own death (train, if you must know!) you are on a par with every other poor sucker on the planet who feels the same. You cannot be any worse off. Doesn’t matter what the external reason is. What’s in your head will be pretty much the same.

“Tim, why are you telling us this morbid shit!?”

It’s because I want to give you a good fucking boot up the arse! In terms of mental illness, we are living in the best possible period in history to have it! Help is all over the place. Yes, stigma needs to be reduced. Yes, it’s not on a par with physical health. Yes, we have to keep fighting to raise awareness.

But I would say the biggest awareness needs to come from those who HAVE anxiety.

They need to be aware that the treatment is already out there to help them. Aware that it CAN be totally and completely eradicated. But most importantly, aware that you have to take ACTION for that to happen. For many, it’s gonna mean hard work on a daily basis. Possibly for years. But from what I see and hear, people are not doing that. I just don’t get it. This is your LIFE we are talking about. If something that bad, that serious is affecting your health, it should be an absolute priority focus EVERY DAY. You should be working on eradicating it, not coping with it. So look in the mirror and be totally honest. Now that you know from me, that it totally can be destroyed:

“What are you going to do EVERY DAY, to eradicate and crush anxiety?”


Please try not to read negatively into what I’m saying. Listen, I had anxiety for over 20 years, you can’t fool me! I know that for some of you, your demons will be telling you that I’m a bloke who isn’t being very nice about your disorder and needs to be more gentle. But there’s no blame being apportioned here. I feel your pain and I want it to end.


I love you because you’re a human being who doesn’t deserve the rotten luck that’s been bestowed upon you, through no fault of your own. But most of all, I want you to experience what I’ve experienced, which is a feeling so incredible that I’m welling up right now just thinking about it.


That feeling of lightness. The weight completely lifted. That feeling of divine freedom. That feeling that you can do anything you want with your life.  It took me 20 years to feel like that. To escape the prison cell I was chained up in. To feel normal. And here’s the thing: you will probably right now, just wish that you felt normal. That’s all you want. But when you feel that concrete block rise and the full beauty of being alive first comes to you, you won’t want to just settle for normal.

I guarantee that you’ll want to make up for those lost years and that means a normal life will almost certainly not be good enough. You’ll want an EXTRAORDINARY life. Where you take risks and have adventures and be spontaneous and explore the world and go for your dreams.

That’s what I want. That’s what this blog is going to be all about (I hope!). But you won’t experience all of that if you don’t believe you can crush anxiety and then take the consistent action to do so. I have honestly never done anything to “cope” with my anxiety. I have no tips to give! Because all I did was find ways of ERADICATING it. Because I believed I could. And I did.

By all means, read other blogs and watch videos made by people with anxiety. There are loads out there (many on my blogroll, so check them out!) who are fucking awesome and will give great tips on coping with anxiety and will allow you to empathise and not feel so alone. But I’m not gonna be one of them. I’m here to show you, to TELL you, that those are mere temporary steps. They’re not going to be part of your life forever. I’m going to show you what life SHOULD be all about. I hope you’ll come along for the ride.

And the same goes for anyone reading this who is down on life right now. Who wants something bigger, bolder, brighter. I’ve been there before. I had a terrific life. Anxiety (and an angry, psychotic, wife-beater!) took that away from me. I’m fully recovered now. But I have to start the rebuilding process.

I’m strong mentally but my life is in tatters. So I need your support. In return, I hope to show you how you can get that amazing, sexy life that you want.


Can I Create My Dream Life in Just One Year?

Sooo………..this could turn out to be a complete fucking disaster! I’m about to embark upon a journey. It’s gonna be tough. I’m under no illusions. How does a guy like me with:

  • no close friends
  • no career
  • no girlfriend for a looooooooooong time
  • several years of stagnating with anxiety behind him

become wealthy, happy, successful and 100% healthy? Is it possible to create a sexy (that’s right, I said SEXY!), dream life at my age, after so much time in the wilderness? In just one year?

As I type this now, it seems foolish that I would even consider this, never mind decide to tell the whole world about it! I’m very nervous. This is the first time I’ve been really open and honest about my decades long struggle with mental illness. I’ve never really had anyone to confide in before, so I’ve never been able to talk in depth about my disorder. It would be nice if you could lend a friendly ear.

That said, I want to make one thing clear; THIS IS NOT A BLOG ABOUT ANXIETY. Firstly, because I don’t have anxiety any more! Secondly, because I want this to be an optimistic, positive and hopefully inspirational blog about what your life can be if you take ACTION and never let adversity stop you in your tracks.

I will of course still write about anxiety because I know some of you will be living with it and it was such a major part of my life. But if you want to know the in-depth story of my life with anxiety, please check out my free PDF which you can download by clicking this image which will take you to the “How I Crushed Anxiety” page:


It’s a comprehensive look at life with social anxiety and what you can do to overcome it. I hope as many of you as possible will read and share it because I believe it can help others. No-one has to live with anxiety forever. There’s always a way out. I firmly believe that and am living proof of it.




But let’s move on. This blog is about my life after anxiety, namely the “awakening” I went through in 2016 and the action I’m taking in 2017 to create that sexy life. I’ll be talking about this “awakening” in my next post and will go into more depth about what my dream life entails soon. But for this first ever post on my blog, I just wanted to ease you in so you know what I’m all about.

Here’s a few things you can expect:

  1. A daily weekly regular whenever I get the time blog post
  2. Updates on what I’m doing to turn my life around from pretty much nothing at the moment, into a dream life
  3. Posts on what it’s like to go through an “awakening”
  4. Reviews on self-development (and related) books, YouTube channels, courses and websites
  5. Interviews with a few special guests
  6. Random musings on anxiety and how I’ve turned my life around from this complete shit of a disorder!




You’ll notice that I’ve put quotation marks around the word “awakening”. I don’t like using that term! It’s almost always preceded by the word “spiritual” and that makes it sound even weirder! Have I gone through the cliched “spiritual awakening”? Yeah, I guess so. But I don’t want to call it that because it conjures up images of religious nuts, people dressed in white smocks sat in the lotus position, vegans with lumberjack beards and Ouija boards! I’ll discuss this more in my next post.

For now though, let’s just say that I have spent a whole year learning about some of the most important questions in life; yet ones which very few of us even begin to answer till we are too old for it to make a difference:

  1. Who are we?
  2. Where are we from?
  3. What are we here to do?
  4. What is our reality?
  5. Who am I?
  6. What is my life purpose?
  7. How can I be truly happy?
  8. Why do men have nipples?
  9. What the fuck was “Lost” really all about?
  10. What’s going on with Donald Trump’s hair?


The answers I’ve gained have fundamentally changed me in so many ways. I now know exactly who I am, what I want and (sort of!) how to get it. I’m a man with a plan! I’ll reveal that plan soon……..




Till then, if you’d like to take a look around the site you’ll be able to find:

  • Some more personal stuff about me in the About Me section
  • A full synopsis of what this blog is all about in the About this Blog section
  • My free PDF on “How I Crushed Anxiety TWICE!!” in the Crush Anxiety section
  • A contact form where you can email me in the Contact section.
  • What I aim to provide/achieve on the blog with my Manifesto.

I’d love to hear from you, especially if you have anything to share about anxiety or a related mental illness.

Or if you just want to say hello.

Or if you know what the fuck Lost was all about.

Or if you want details of where to send me cake. I like cake.

And finally, please leave a comment in the section at the bottom of this post. I really want to connect to you guys. I’ve been alone on this journey for far too long!

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